When People Laugh In Your Face

In the past week I've had two people laugh in my face when I told them about launching my career coaching business. The first person was a friend whose career goals have never been very ambitious. When I told him about my recent successes, he laughed and said he expected me to be doing bigger things. The second was a very successful woman who I had just been introduced to at an event. She is new to Jackson, Wyoming. I explained that I help people who come here to ski and have fun while they figure out what they want to do with their lives, actually, finally figure out what they want to do with their lives. Then I help them create a smart action plan for moving forward with their goals and create accountability for them following through. She laughed and said, "People actually pay you for that?"

Ouch! I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't hurt. I felt a physical ache of pain in my chest during each encounter. I actually feel a little nauseous writing about it but here's why I'm putting my embarrassment out there for you.

I want you to know that it's ok to want more and go after it. I also want you to know that just because you haven't know exactly what you wanted to be when you grew up since kindergarten doesn't mean you aren't meant to have a fantastic job that you love. I want you to know that if you are 30, 40, 50 and still don't know, that's fine. Whatever age you are when you find something you love doing is just dandy.

If there is a burning inside you to find the right work, that is a sign that there is work you are meant to be doing. It means, somewhere deep inside of you is a very specific craving and all you need to do is unearth it. Along the way, people may laugh in your face. The first time you tell someone that you want more, they may laugh or they may encourage but it doesn't matter. What matters is that you are going after what you want and if you continue to pursue your dream, everyday you will get closer and it will feel amazing.

I want you to know that you aren't alone in being intimidated or scared or embarrassed about going after what you want. You aren't alone in choking on the phrase meaningful work, or life purpose or cool career. The only way to get good at something or make a difference or succeed is to take risks. You are becoming a badass after all. No one said it would be easy. Sometimes it will hurt. I promise you though, you will be amazed at the number of people who show up to support you. You will be blown away at the strength you find inside yourself underneath all that pain.

Someone laughing at your dream doesn't mean your dream is silly. It means you are talking to the wrong person.

Later that night, after being laughed at by the most successful woman in the room, I ran into someone I coach. I walked into the room and he looked up shocked and happy. He said, "Oh, my God! I was seriously just recommending you to my friend!"

I tell you what... damn, it feels good to be a badass.

Make Your Career Your Next Big Adventure

This time, I need your help. Please and thank you for helping me spread the word. Love you, badasses.

http://www.youtube.com/v/69RipBkQCv4?version=3&autohide=1&showinfo=1&feature=share&autoplay=1&autohide=1&attribution_tag=RhuBfGgJTQrID4NgOcW-wA

The Truth About Marriage

Why aren't more people talking about what it's really like right before you get married? Plus, in this video, I'm in my wedding dress, on my wedding day, right before walking down the aisle. XO

http://www.youtube.com/v/0KYtXREnHCw?version=3&autohide=1&showinfo=1&autoplay=1&autohide=1&feature=share&attribution_tag=mHOAcRkMsO9NBXV-HTD_9A

Don't care what they think...

Does anybody else get pieces of writing stuck in their head? It happens to me when a theme is forming in my thoughts. For example, lately I find myself pondering being authentic. I've been thinking, you really have to not care whether people like you if you are going to live your best, most fulfilling life. In order to make really deep connections and do work that you that you care passionately about, you have to risk alienating people. Some people just hate things that are authentic because it scares them. Other people just aren't going to dig on what you are putting out. Just how it is. It's unavoidable. Not everyone is going to like you or what you are all about. Take a moment to accept this fact little more right now....

But the people who like you when you are being open and legit are going to f-ing love you.  These will be people who you can just relax and be yourself around. It will be easy and fun to be with them. These people will believe in what you do, be it work, hobbies, whatever. Your life will be awesome. Ok, not always. Sometime, life will still suck but these people will make the suckiness better. We all desperately need these people and the only way to keep meeting them is to show a huge number of people your true self. You have to give a lot of people the opportunity to decide if they love you. Some won't. Some will. 

Now, I could be accused of being an over sharer. Example A: I have a blog. Guess what? Putting my writing out there still scares me to the point of an inner quiver. I'm fully aware that some people think my writing is terrible and my ideas are stupid. But, I keep doing it. I keep putting myself out there for the few people who will read this and decide to make a braver choice today because what I wrote sparked something in them. I know what it's like to be really, really scared. I want to help as many people as possible escape the pain they feel as a result of being so damn scared and shy. People hold themselves back from so much happiness, success and love. In doing so, they are also holding themselves back from contributing the special gifts that only they have that could be making this world a better place. I want to kick fears ass more than I want everyone to like me, so I keep writing, posting on Facebook, talking about Becoming a Badass wherever I can, and turning it into a business so that, day by day, this passion turns into my life's work.

Putting your real self out there is an act of bravery. Here's some words from Tina Fey in her book Bossypant's. Hope it gets you revved up. Big thanks to Tina Fey for being the person who wrote something that inspired me to be braver.  

Bossypant's excerpt: 

Amy Poehler was new to SNL and we were all crowded into the seventeenth-floor writers' room, waiting for the Wednesday read-through to start. There were always a lot of noisy "comedy bits" going on in that room. Amy was in the middle of some such nonsense with Seth Meyers across the table, and she did something vulgar as a joke. I can't remember what it was exactly, except it was dirty and loud and "unladylike."

Jimmy Fallon, who was arguably the star of the show at the time, turned to her and in a faux-squeamish voice said: "Stop that! It's not cute! I don't like it."

Amy dropped what she was doing, went black in the eyes for a second, and wheeled around on him. "I don't fucking care if you like it." Jimmy was visibly startled. Amy went right back to enjoying her ridiculous bit …

With that exchange, a cosmic shift took place. Amy made it clear that she wasn't there to be cute. She wasn't there to play wives and girlfriends in the boys' scenes. She was there to do what she wanted to do and she did not fucking care if you like it …

I think of this whenever someone says to me, "Jerry Lewis says women aren't funny," or Christopher Hitchens says women aren't funny," or "Rick Fenderman says women aren't funny. … Do you have anything to say to that?"

Yes. We don't fucking care if you like it.

So my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism or ageism or lookism or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: "Is this person in between me and what I want to do?" If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work, and outpacing people that way. Then, when you're in charge, don't hire the people who were jerky to you.

If the answer is yes, you have a more difficult road ahead of you. I suggest you model your strategy after the old Sesame Street film piece "Over! Under! Through!" (If you're under forty you might not remember this film. It taught the concepts of "over, "under," and "through" by filming toddlers crawling around in an abandoned construction site. They don't show it anymore because someone has since realized that's nuts.) If your boss is a jerk, try to find someone above or around your boss who is not a jerk. If you're lucky, your workplace will have a neutral proving ground—like the rifle range or the car sales total board or the SNL read-through. If so, focus on that.

Again, don't waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions. Go "Over! Under! Through!" and opinions will change organically when you're the boss. Or they won't. Who cares?

Do your thing and don't care if they like it.

Becoming a Badass When You Feel Like Ass

Brazenly Loving is Scary

Be brave. Love what you love brazenly.

My sister was recently up for a promotion at work. It was actually more of a lateral move, from customer service to the wine department but she likes wine a lot more than customer service, so it felt like a promotion. God, she wanted the job. Talking about it filled her with energy and fire and ambition. This is an area where she could really thrive. The thing was, she wasn't totally qualified for the job. She had the interest and passion and some knowledge but was by no means overly equipped for the position.

Everyone at her work and in her personal life knew she was applying for the job. Daily questions built pressure. Every ones interest became a burden. Support started to become suffocating because, yes, she wanted the job. Badly. And she knew eventually she could be incredible at the job in time, but as she was now, exactly at the moment, she wasn't really ready for the job.

We all have been there. Looking at the next step we want to take. The next adventure, accomplishment or change is obvious. We finally know what we want after an agonizing period of confusion or limbo. The perfect job shows up. Someone you could truly love appears out of no where. Inspiration strikes. Life is good until, suddenly, we realize that we aren't qualified enough, smart enough, strong enough, whatever enough to truly take it on. This is when fear, doubt, REALITY sets in and our love starts to shrink. We start telling ourselves that we are being dumb. We are about to make a huge fool out of ourselves. The impulse to deny the love, want and desire shows up swiftly and fiercely. Don't act like you've never felt this way and I won't lie to you by saying I never have.

I'll one up you and own up to the fact that everything I've ever done that I've been proud of has been preceded by this feeling of doubt and shame.

My sister aced half of the interview and bombed the other half. She had put herself out there so fully. Everyone knew how bad she wanted the job. I knew. The people she supervises at work knew. The entire management of her work knew. She had put it out there, by God, big time. While she was doing it, I was shocked an inspired. She wanted it and she was telling the world. I believed in her. I knew she would be incredible at this job. I was sure both because of how familiar I am with her innate and developed skill set but also because I saw how much love and passion was set ablaze in her by the idea of this job. There was a God-force behind her.

She didn't get the job. She knew after the interview that she wouldn't. She had really blown it. Like really. She did great on half and just horrible on the rest.

But, she got half the job. What? How? The people who interviewed her saw her passion and drive and even though they knew that she wasn't fully ready at this time to take on the whole job, they are giving her most of the responsibilities and the next 6 months to get fully trained and prepared to take on the whole job.

That is the power of showing what you love. So often we squelch our love because we feel undeserving or unready. We are afraid of failing and the embarrassment that will inevitably follow. This is such a huge mistake. No one is ready. Ever. You have to get in over your head to get ahead. Be brave. Please, I need the inspiration. We all do. It's so hard to get over all that fear and doubt. It's painful to realize the truth of our immediate limitations but it's the only way to get past them.

Congratulations Melissa. You are an inspiration.

Ask For What You Want and Get It