Viceless Day 32-35: Sorry I'm crying, just keep talking

There is a reason that this is called Becoming a Badass and not, I'm a Damn Badass. I'm highly devoted to self improvement and wellness. There basically hasn't been a time in the past 10 years where I wasn't reading up on some self-improvement and conducting my own experiment. I believe deeply in our ability to improve with conscious effort. That being said, it only works if you work it. 

I've already admitted that I was born so shy that I would cry if anyone outside of my immediate family would talk to me. I'm not sure if I've also exposed that I was born so sensitive that I've probably cried for 1/8 of my life (possible understatement. Scary, I know). I'm one of those people that can feel other peoples emotions or read the truth from a slight change in energy or facial expression. I can leave a party knowing who was even considering sleeping with who. Small social interactions that are typically hidden to the human eye are for some reason obvious to my sensitive nature. Blessing and a curse. This sensitivity helps with my coaching and communications but has been crippling in other areas of my life. In school, when dealing with criticism from teachers, I actually had to start saying, "I know I'm crying but just keep talking. I can't control it but I want to hear what you have to say." That's tough on people. Obviously, my sensitivity is something that I needed to work on.

This sensitivity and crying are why it was super important for me to find healthy ways to deal with my emotions and spiritual strength to deal with the world. Aka: I meditate daily, pray constantly, have a strong forgiveness practice and use mantra's to keep my mind from dwelling on my sensitivities fears. I have to keep up this work or I'm a hot mess. 

The good news is that because of these practices I now can handle criticism, flat out haters and meanie-pants with grace and dry eyes. Stress has become manageable and I can even get through that time of the month without eating someones head while seasoning it with my flowing tears. 

The bad news is there is no one shot fix all. I have to keep up with my wellness and spiritual practices or I go right back to a wounded mess of irrational crying. I also have to workout regularly or my butt goes back to a flat pancake. I don't get to coast by in anything in this life! But that's ok, because from my constant effort, I've found my greatest passion: Helping others through self-improvement. 

I'm owning up to this because this past week was a major break down for me. I struggled as I moved apartments, kept up with my work, prepared for a summer in NYC getting more life coach training through NYU and generally tried to keep up with a life that is progressing wonderfully fast toward so many of my dreams. I let my good practices fall to the side as I prioritized the "practical". I spent all my time on work, tasks and demands, figuring I could skate by on my past wellness practices. NOPE!!! Because I dropped some of my wellness practices, I found myself a crying stress ball during my move. All of a sudden the world looked unfair and mean. Why did I have to do so much at one time? I was angry, hurt and panicked. This is the time when I should stop, breath and meditate! I didn't though and learned the hard way that my wellness practices only work if I work them. 

Luckily, I didn't stay my sensitive, wounded self for long. Two days of angry breakdown and I remembered, "Hey! I know how to deal with this shit!" I took the time to meditate and refocused my mind with some conscious gratitude. Yep, sometimes you just have to force your mind to look for the good and make a list of all that you are grateful for. Sure, at first my mind was muttering, this is bullshit, after every item on my gratitude list but eventually I hit the sweet spot. My mind snapped back to happiness and peace, a peace that isn't disturbed by others words, opinions or actions. This is the beauty of a solid wellness practice. You can't just expect yourself to be solid in every circumstance. Do yourself a favor and set-up some practices that reinforce your happiness and mental stability. This isn't about perfection in every moment, but having practices you can turn to when life is being a little a-hole.  

I'm going to be getting into these practices more here at Becoming a Badass. I know you need specifics and I'll be getting them to you! Love you badasses! Thanks for joining me as I become a badass a bit more everyday. 

Viceless Day 31: From Average to Badass

I need to clarify something with you all.

The other day, I was talking to my sister about her taking on a challenge and she said, "Yeah, but you love a challenge."

This is absolutely not true. I love sitting on the couch eating Doritos. I don't naturally love working out, taking on challenges, facing my fears or any of the other healthy, life enhancing activities that I promote daily. I love sleeping and wearing sweatpants. That is easy and comfortable. Problem is that I hate being sluggish, out of shape and unsuccessful. I have learned to love what is good for me because I hate the negative consequences of avoiding it. I've learned to love a challenge, but it's not my natural resting state. This takes work.

Muffy Davis. Ass-kicking paralympian
and motivational speaker. You don't
need this big of a challenge to
Become a Badass.

That's why I'm here. I want you all to know that you are not alone. You see your friends in perfect relationships, killing it straight out of college in a high paying career. You see airbrushed celebrities. You see heads of companies saying they always new they would be successful. Good for them. Now what about the rest of us?

I recently went to the Sun Valley Wellness Festival. There were so many speakers there talking about ways to improve your life from spirituality to feng shui, from paralympians to documentary makers. People kept saying, "Stop over achieving." "I used to be an achievement junkie."

Christine Hassler, brilliant coach and speaker.
You don't have to be this flawless and put together
to be Becoming a Badass. But we will love you
even if you are.

I want you all to know that I am not coming from that place. Where is the person who didn't start their own business by 21? Where is the person who didn't date George Clooney? Where is the person who has consistently been in the middle, felt like they were at the bottom, struggled just to keep up? Here I am and I've learned how to love a challenge.

I love achievers, the super successful, the born athletes, the destined to be famous since birth but those aren't the ones I want to help. Great, you've got this. You were born knowing who you are, what you want to do and how to achieve greatness. Go!!! I will enjoy watching and cheering you on. If you find that you're over addicted to success, I've got some great people I can refer you to, such as Christine Hassler and Christine Arylo. For the rest of you though, I've got your back. If you've struggled to figure out who you are and why you were put here on earth, I want to help you. If you trip when you dance and have never won anything in your life, I'm here for you. If you are hugging the middle of the bell curve, I want to help you get to the next level. If you don't jog not just because it's physically painful but because you are embarrassed of the jiggle that goes along with the movement, I want to talk to you. We need to talk if you dread family reunions because you hate answering the question, "So, what are you doing with your life?" If you know that you are a capable person but just can't find the right place to apply yourself, I've got you.

The Sun Valley Wellness Festival needs me. What about everyone who has always lived a perfectly nice, normal, middle of the road life but craves big happiness and fulfillment? I'm here to tell you daily that just because you haven't, doesn't mean you can't. If you have a dream or desire, you are doing yourself and the world a disservice by not going after it. The world needs more people who are passionately pursuing their dreams. Let's light up this world people! Even though our natural instinct is to sit on the couch with E! television and a bag of Doritos.

Viceless Day 30: Saying No

I've always found it hard to say no. I just find yes to be so much more fun. Brownie? Yes! Nachos? Yes! Cocktail? Yes! The truth is though, I say yes too much. I overbook and over consume. This tendency to always says yes leaves my schedule and body bloated and weighed down.

This challenge is just an exercise in saying no. Everyday, another person, usually one I really adore, offers me something that I must turn down. People don't just offer me sweets or wine, they hold it up to my face and say, "Please, just have some. Please." It's really hard to say no to that!

But I'm finding that once I get past the awkward no moment that still requires adjustment, I have just as much fun as I would if I were consuming alcohol or decadent food. I still find myself tearing up with laughter. I'm still having meaningful conversations. Actually, my fiancé keeps asking me what I'm so giggly about. I don't know. I just feel good, happy and giggly. Turns out that wasn't the sugar high or alcohol buzz. I'm just like that. Amazing.

People have said that I'm experiencing the placebo effect. I feel better because I expect to feel better. That could very well be true, but I would like to propose that my vices also include a placebo effect. How often do we think, I need a drink? I need a treat? I need to chill out and watch some TV? These have become the most common method of relaxation. What about meditation and deep breathing? What about a walk outdoors? Do we really NEED our vices?

I'm a free spirit and an Aquarius. I'm not hear to tell you what is right or wrong. I don't believe in that sort of thing. If cocktails and a piece of cake make you purely, delightfully happy then get to it. But I am here to challenge you to question your limitations. Limitations are the one thing I don't believe in.

Where are you limiting your potential? Where could you be saying no that would open up more space in your life for greatness? As my friend, Leaha, says, "How is the universe supposed to fill your basket if it's already full?"

Viceless Day 29: Help! How do I celebrate without food or alcohol?

Beautiful moment a few days ago between my fiancé and myself. I had just wrapped up my first Becoming a Badass Workshop. I've got new coaching clients appearing all the time. My body is feeling and looking good. I just talked to some of my major role models at the Sun Valley Wellness Festival and now they know I'm alive. I'm about to head to NYC to get more life coach training through NYU. I've made all of these accomplishments happen on my own as an independent adult. LIFE IS GOOD!! I was hopping around my kitchen with excitement and my fiancé had a huge grin on his face.

He said, "I'm so happy you're so happy. Let's celebrate!"

We both stood starting at each other with wide goofy smiles that gradually softened into open-mouth bewilderment. We have a bottle of champagne but I'm not drinking... There's no special chocolates or ice cream to decadently pair with a nice glass of wine... We traditionally celebrate by consuming something. Whoa! I'm so stuck in this habitual that I don't even know what else I could do.

This is a false representation of my ice cream.
My ice cream was not pretty enough to
photograph.

The next day I ended up making my self some vegan, sugar-free ice-cream from bananas, nut butters and maple syrup. It was a treat but felt like a substitute for the real thing. I'm not here to substitute my vices until I can get back to the "real thing." I'm looking for new ways to exist that will expand my options of having fun and enjoying life.

This is where I need your help. I've been looking for ways to celebrate and reward myself that don't involve food, alcohol or lots of money. In the future, as a big celebration, I will get a massage, take a trip or buy a highly coveted product. I can think of nice things I would love to buy but as I set up a business, my money is being reinvested in my business. What can I do that is small, affordable, celebratory and decadent for those small accomplishments that deserve attention?

I really need your help on this one. What tips and tricks can you share with me badasses? Help me celebrate!

Viceless Day 22-28: Time Flies While Dreams Are Coming True

I've been sober, sugar free and without TV for 28 days now. I've gone through my own self imposed rehab. This is only the beginning of the process since I've committed to three months, but I understand why rehab facilities use 28 days. The past four weeks have been a struggle. I've gazed longingly at food, the blank TV screen and countless glasses of wine. So much time has been spent quietly yearning for what I've given up that I started to wonder if I shouldn't just partake in my damn vices. My time was being eaten by my desire for them anyway. I didn't feel great, glowy, pure and light. I just felt like I missed eating candy while watching TV.

My online mentor and inspiration
Gabrielle Bernstein.

Somewhere in the past week though, that all changed. Today, I feel better than I've felt in years. Recently, I've connected with three power player in the world of coaching and inspirational speaking. I've conducted my first Becoming a Badass Workshop to great success and I've taken on new coaching clients. My schedule is starting to  overflow with soul inspiring, cash producing work. People are telling me that I've inspired them to improve their lives and happiness! By getting out of my own way, I'm getting everything I ever wanted. My vices have been replaced with fulfilled dreams.

Last night, after finishing my Becoming a Badass Workshop I was giddy with excitement. I've been planning this workshop for months. Before that, before even starting this blog four-years-ago I had been following my intuition hesitantly toward this career.  I didn't know what a life coach was four years ago. I just knew that I loved inspiring, motivating, writing, performing, working with people, improving the world, and how-to's in women's magazines. How that was going to make a career, I had no idea. 

Three important actions have gotten me to this amazing point in my life where I have specific dreams, goals and a plan for accomplishing.

1) I've consistently listened to my intuition and feelings. Often there is a dichotomy between what makes sense and what you know you want. When I was deciding between colleges I was choosing between Boston University where I thought I should major in business and going to California Institute of the Arts to major in acting. I really should have gone to Boston University. I was a great student and could have probably amassed a lot of monetary wealth by now. When I thought about that future though, my throat tightened up and I got a small inkling that I should go ahead and kill myself now. I'm actually down playing that feeling. At the time, my mind said, "this is what you really need to do for your future." My heart always answered, "no, it's not. That will kill me." 

Listening to my heart, I went to California Institute of the Arts even though I knew I probably wasn't going to end up with the typical actress career. I was acutely aware that I didn't know why I was going to school for acting. I was conscious of my own inadequacies and lack of direction. I knew I was making a crazy choice. Still, it was undeniable that I would regret not following my heart. 

Ten years later, I'm not an actress. I'm a life coach and workshop leader. I use the skills I learned as an actress in my present career. At school I learned to be fully present, listen, trust my instincts, be bold, stand in front of people and effectively communicate. I even learned how to put together the workshops I now conduct. A workshop is a show. It must have a beginning, middle and end. It must be engaging. It must emotionally effect the participants. I chose the most amazing, practical undergraduate training I could have for my chosen career. Well, actually, my heart chose my training. My heart picked the training before I even knew of the career of life coach. That is the brilliance that comes from listening to your intuition. 

2) I embraced embarrassment and started before I was ready. I've taken this practice to the next level by following the advice of two of my favorite online mentors.  My spiritual coach Gabrielle Bernstein says you must embrace an attitude of "F-it. Let's go!" Marie Forleo, my business guru, is the queen of the empowering phrase, "start before you are ready." Both of these women are successful powerhouses. They encourage me to be more aggressive with an attitude that I've always relied on. You will never be ready, you just need to get into action. I wasn't ready to go to an acting program that's ranked 15th in the world. I had only done a few plays at my high school. I showed up and found myself surrounded by children of celebrities and people who had been child actors. I was in way over my head and thank God. I was pushed to my absolute limit to keep up with the brilliance around me. I wasn't the best, but I was playing with the big dogs. Think of the opportunity I would have wasted if I had said, "I'll go to acting school when I'm ready." I could have done more plays around Atlanta. I could have taken smaller steps but would I have? Big actions and big decisions give you big momentum. If I had stalled on acting school, I doubt I would have even graduated from any college. I would have stayed paralyzed by fear and my own depression. It's through action, risk and starting before you are ready that you will find your passion and momentum. 

3) I set measurable, timed goals with accountability. Unfortunately, with college my only real measurable goal was to graduate. I accomplished that goal but found myself lost after graduation. Moving to Jackson, I started to set measurable, timed goals. The most obvious is when I decided to ski 100 days in one season. Before setting this goal, I had probably skied a total of 80 days in the three years since I had learned to ski. Kinda crazy to jump into 100 days, right? Well, I wanted to be a badass and I wanted to learn what it was to truly be a skier. The 100 days kicked my ass and challenged me more than I could have imagined. I didn't know how to deal with different weather conditions. My ski boots weren't perfect and I'll always have what I must lovingly call my sixth toe (calcium deposite on the side of my foot). I frequently cried into my goggles and a struggled through exhaustion. Yet, I had told people I was going to ski 100 days. People rallied to support me because I had told people my goal, therefor setting up accountability. I learned more about skiing in that one season that I had in the past 3 seasons combined. I became a skier and have a life accomplishment that I can always think of when facing a new challenge. Hell, I skied a 100 days. I can do this. 

Notice, I didn't say to myself, I'm going to become a better skier and ski more. I announced to my nearest and dearest that I was going to ski 100 days that season. Measurable, timed goals with accountability are key for accomplishments. How will you know when you've accomplished something if it isn't measured, with a time limit and with others knowing your goal? Set yourself up to succeed. I ended up skiing 109 days that season. 

Once again, my challenges are pulling me toward my success. I haven't eaten crap, consumed alcohol or watched TV while alone. After 28 days, I've talked to some of my biggest mentors, held a workshop, grown my coaching business, inspired people to improve their lives and gotten written up in my local paper. Yeah, Viceless is working.

What are you ready to succeed at? Tell me in the comments below. Let's shape some ass-kicking goals for you!

Viceless Day 19, 20, 21: Gabrielle Bernstein and Leaning Toward Health

Day 19 and 20:

I took a road trip to the Sun Valley Wellness Festival. Normally I see road trips as a great time to break the rules about healthy eating. Food options are limited so why not just eat fast food, gummy candy and doritos?

Ummm... because my health never stops and I don't want to feel like crap. So, I utilized a skill that I've been developing hardcore: planning ahead. This skill will revolutionize your life! Yes, it seems obvious but almost any time you say, "I can't," what you probably mean is, "I could have if I planned ahead but  didn't." A cooler packed with veggies, hummus, frittata and other healthy options made for great snacking. When my stud of a man was ordering a cheese burger with tater tots from a country store, I can't say my nostrils didn't flare to take in more of the greasy goodness. I managed to buy myself a gas station treat of my own that was Viceless approved. Plain corn nuts! I think they were the only snack that didn't contain sugar in the entire store. It took a lot of label reading. The corn nuts with a coconut water that was also for purchase and I had my own version of a road trip treat.

As my man slumped from the delicious gut-bomb of grease, I felt perky as a bird and ready to meet some mentors at the Sun Valley Wellness Festival. What I'm finding from this challenge is that I don't so much feel amazing as I just never feel bad. I feel steadily good, clear and strong. That seems worth some pre-planning.

Day 21:

Gabrielle Bernstein has been a huge influence on my life. She is a spiritual coach, speaker and author who breaks everything down in a palatable and modern way. I originally went to the Sun Valley Wellness Festival last year specifically to hear her speak. While there I discovered so many other incredible speakers but Gabby is still my main motivation for driving the 5 hours again this year. 

I had the opportunity to ask this ass-kicker of a woman why what she eats is so important to her and how she manages to stay healthy while touring the country and maintain a hectic schedule. She answered that she, "leans toward" vegan and brings a lot of snacks like apples and almond butter with her. She eats grass fed meat occasionally and will sometimes have treats made with maple syrup or other natural sweetener. What a brilliant way to live! I'm leaning toward sober. I'm leaning toward gluten free. I'm leaning toward a life without TV. 

Life isn't perfect, predictable or strict. Lean toward what you want and accept some deviation on the way. I ate out last night, a romantic dinner with my love. We ate at Boca which is a bright and delicious restaurant in Ketchum. We walked into find a big table of speakers from the festival eating there as well. I took it as an auspicious sign. Now everyday, I'm heavily leaning toward dairy free but I have accepted that while eating out there will occasionally be butter in my food. I don't order dishes with obvious dairy but butter is everywhere. Eating out at a restaurant that isn't labeled as health food is mighty tricky if you aren't eating gluten, sugar or dairy. I chose to lean toward Viceless and didn't order a plain protein over olive oil sauteed veggies. Honestly, I could tell that the butter weighed me down after the meal and I'm motivated to not have that feeling again. More requests for olive oil or light butter are in my future. Still,  I'm ordering the lightest dishes on the menu. I'm eating way more veggies. I had a delicious mocktail made with fresh muddled fruit and even a salt rim. I'm maintain huge changes in my life but perfection isn't one of them. Life is good and I'm leaning in. 

What changes could you "lean toward" this week? What have you been wanting to change in your life but the thought of the absolute has been scaring you off? If you gave up perfection, what could you take on? Tell me in the comments. 

Love you badasses. Off to another great day at the Sun Valley Wellness Festival.