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Thursday, January 19, 2012

Breaking to Build: I tore my ACL

I've always wanted this to be an inspirational blog. My favorite thing, moment, theme, whatever, is when something previously thought impossible is done. Maybe it's a homely girl discovering under that ugly over-sized sweater and glasses she is actually a hot girl, with killer confidence. Maybe it's Amelia Earhart. Maybe it's a baby's first steps. Maybe it's just laughing after a long time of not remembering how. Maybe it's becoming a badass. I love hearing about it, seeing it, being it, so that's why I started this blog. To encourage those moments in myself and others.

Whatever that elusive feeling is you get watching Forest Gump. That inspiration that puts a swing in your step and courage in your hear, that is what I've always wanted to be able to give people. I think you are all so so beautiful. Even those of you who kind of bug me. Especially those of you I can barely stand. I'm impressed with all of you. All of the blogs, the accomplishments, the relationships, the travel, the families, the big choices that you've made. I want you to be able to feel good about the steps you are taking.

I've torn my ACL skiing. I find out tomorrow if I need surgery. Even if I don't, healing is going to be a time and labor intensive process. I feel bad. I feel scared. I feel confused. Usually this triumvirate of feelings can only be cured by putting on heals and trying to dance like Beyonce. I haven't asked my doctor yet, but I'm guessing heels are off limits. My ability to shake it is also impaired. What the hell am I going to do now? How am I supposed to be happy?

My new year resolution is to be an unsinkably happy person. If I was struggling to maintain steady happiness while skiing every day, I think I might be in big trouble with this wobbly leg. The way I see it, I have two choices.

1. Under the guise of trying to shoot my lame leg off, I could shoot my head off.
or
2. Put on a black, fringed, spaghetti strap shirt and shake what I've got left.

I'm wearing a fringed shirt as we speak folks. This badass is taking it to the next level. I'm gonna have to master my mind. I don't just want to heal, I want to have fun doing it. My mind just wants to cry, pout, talk about how much this sucks, and be mean to people who are having a good time. NO WAY MIND. I'm gonna die happy, and if that happens to be tomorrow, I better make sure I'm happy now. This ACL process can't be just about getting through it. This healing has to be about keeping my good time going. I'd be honored if you all let me bounce these efforts off of you.

Thanks for being with me on this. I need all the support I can get now that I don't have a functioning right knee. And thanks for showing me how awesome you all are every day. It inspires me.

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