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Friday, January 8, 2010


On my recent trip to Central America, my travel companion and I were mistaken for lesbians. This hasn't happened to me much in life, but the few times it has, I've always been really flattered. Being a privileged white girl who is painfully average, I always feel like if I'm mistaken for a lesbian I must be projecting more depth than I actually have. I must seem like the type of person who has over come adversity and made the choice to proudly be who I really am. This is not at all true. Being me is really really easy. No one gives me a hard time. Not a proud statement, but a true one.

That being said, we all have our insecurities. I, for instance, have an abnormally large head. Not freakishly large, mind you, but about an inch and a half larger in circumference than the average woman's. This fact was embarrassingly discovered in high school during a drama club hat fitting.

We were all lined up, waiting for our heads to be measured. I was behind one of our more painfully dorky members. Let's call him Matt. Matt was a guy who wasn't smart, or clever, or in anyway charming. He was loud, awkward, proud, and stubborn. Hopefully, he's grown into his looks and some woman just loves the dickens out of him now, but in high school he had no physical redemption. He was about 5'5", appeared both soft and abnormally thin, and his head balanced on his body like a melon on a tooth pick. I've always looked for the good in everyone, and usually found it, but this Matt guy was so dorky, even I had trouble not shunning him.

So, I'm behind Matt in the head measuring line. Our lovely costume mistress (Who is presently getting a shout out. Way to work the cookies, hot man, and nice job! I'm so proud), wrapped the measuring tape around his global head, and surprise, surprise, the thing is a whopping 24 inches. Everyone groans at the type of horror that you can see coming. Of course, this guy has a disgustingly huge head to store all of his disgustingly bland and gross ideas and then spew them on the world with more vehemence because of the size of his ginormous gourd. Ew. Big head.

My turn is next. I've never been petite but I'm not worried. In all ways, I'm usually average. The tape is being fitted around my head, the lovely costume mistress is yanking it tighter, trying to make the number smaller than it is actually. This can't be true. Twenty-four inches! I've got the same huge sized head as Matt. Me and Matt: Big Heads.

Since than, I've had to accept who I am. Most hats don't fit me. I can take my boyfriend's cap and not have to adjust it to wear it. Sometimes, in photos, I can tell that my head is the biggest in the bunch. But, hey. We've all got things that could drag us down. I'm not gonna let my huge head turn me into an insecure social outcast. I carry this big, wobbly head with pride. I hope Matt does too.

Just a little tid-bit about the early road to badassery.


  1. You are so fucking awesome I just can't stand it! I love reading this blog.

  2. how you connected lesbians to big heads is beyond me, but i loved it! my hat-and-cane routine in elementary school ended up with a head lice outbreak.

  3. So...the takeaway from this post should be ~ BIG HEADED PEOPLE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUAL. :) j/k

    Love this post!

  4. You crack me up. If it makes you feel better the characteristic I remember most about you is not the size of your head. In fact, I did not even remember that you had a big head. I am not sure if you knew this, but my head is smaller than average! Zack calls me pinhead! I guess we have even more in common.

  5. Pperhaps your head had to grow larger to accommodate your abnormally large amount of SMARTS?

    And Risa has so many smarts, they had to be compressed down into microsmarts just to be able to fit in a head.

    Nerding out complete. I'm done now.

  6. Yes, I remember a certain gentleman in our room spotting a certain part of your anatomy and saying "It's HUGE!" Was that your head?

  7. Traci, that was about my butt. My phenomenal, plump, gigantic booty. You know this.