Viceless: Three months of pure goodness

Thanks for joining me here at Becoming a Badass! Welcome to the new adventure.

I'm giving up some of my very favorite vices for three months. Goodbye sugar, white flour, dairy, caffeine, alcohol, and solo TV watching. This lifestyle change is an experiment to see if I will become a happier and more productive person without my vices or, as many predict, I become the crankiest, most boring person in the world.

My vices have haunted me lately. Instead of being fun bits of naughtiness, I've been trapped in a state of fear abusing my vices. I'm in the midst of a massive self-improvement overhaul on my life.  I'm 29. From observing my female friends who have already turned 30, it seems to be typical to flip out and make huge changes for the better. Apparently, I'm no exception. Pressure is pressing down on me and I need to change. Oh, Holy God. I'm going to be 30. I can no longer blame my youth for my mistakes or lack of progress. This is it, this is my real grown-up self. I want to make myself the best, most successful, happiest, hottest it can be. This means no more wasting time binge eating, hungover while watching the Kardashians. Enter the Viceless Challenge.

The skinny on my past: At 23, after college I moved to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I moved from LA after going to California Institute of the Arts and majoring in acting. I was confused and the only life goal I could pin down was to be an international party girl who dallied in writing. Jackson was a spur of the moment decision that was only supposed to be a two week vacation. I knew I didn't want to be a stylist like the job I had just quit. I didn't want to be an actress which was what I had studied. I didn't want to live in LA. Unfortunately, I had no idea what I did want. I drove solo to Jackson because my parents had left their house there unoccupied while my mother cared for her mother's declining health. To my surprise, I found a group of people in Jackson who were having more fun than anyone I had ever seen, even international party girls. They were living in an adult playground and having constant fun with physical activities like skiing and mountain biking. When bad weather stopped their sports, they took off on travel adventures to spots like Thailand and Nicaragua. Even though I was completely nonathletic at the time, I shifted my priorities and started my project of Becoming a Badass. 

I went from art school, LA party girl to skiing, biking adventurer. I took the lifestyle of Jackson on full force. Moving from LA with a background in acting, I knew how to make my body dance and look cute. I knew yoga and tai chi. There was no trust in my bodies ability to be truly strong or athletic however. Since Becoming a Badass, I've had multiple friends from college say, "I don't remember you being this athletic." I wasn't but I seem to believe in the power of change more than the average person and believe it is my destiny to spread the message that you can change your life for the better. In my effort to Become a Badass, which is documented in this blog, I've learned to ski, mountain bike, surf, travel internationally, and much more. I've climbed active volcanoes, jumped off waterfalls and conquered a warehouse of fears along the way. I've consciously made an effort to redefine how I think about myself. The mission was to go from confused, intimidated, and limited to badass. I still have a lot of fears and stupid ideas about my limitations but I've definitely significantly bumped up my badassness. 

Becoming a Badass was never just about the physical challenges though. To me, it's always been about any new challenge that forces you to overcome the part of yourself that you don't like but feel like is inevitable. I spent so many years of my life thinking of myself as a funny, quirky, chubby, clumsy girl. I love that part of myself now but know I'm not limited to being that person. I'm also brave, sporty, productive and hot. The truly important part of Becoming a Badass is proving to myself that I can be anything I want to be and am not limited by my current thoughts or situations. I now enjoy kicking my can'ts in the ass and proving that I can, even though I usually don't know in the beginning how the hell it's going to happen when I begin. Conquering one fear isn't the end though. I'm always still in process of Becoming a Badass. There is always a new challenge.

Around age 27, people with successful careers really started to piss me off. For years I was satisfied with my adventurous lifestyle that I supported through being a waitress. I appreciated this time of my life as an opportunity of youth. When I started to feel my jealousy of careers, I knew it was a sign that I myself craved a successful career. Jealousy is often a great indicator of what your soul is craving. So I whined like a weeny for about a year, really engulfing myself in my misery over a lack of a fulfilling job until I hit rock bottom. My rock bottom was tearing my ACL while skiing. This is an injury that requires surgery if you want to live an active life. I woke up in the hospital on my 28th birthday and had to relearn how to walk in physical therapy over the next 3 months. I now had no successful career and couldn't even engage in the physical activities that were my source of fun and pride. 

During my recovery I became even more depressed and my vices came out full force. I watched a disgusting amount of TV and ate an even more horrifying amount of crap. My body ingested an unbelievable quantity of jalapeno Cheetos, gummy candy, and macaroni and cheese. I was no longer a super-fit, active adventurer. I was a chubby, depressed waitress. Ah, hell no!

Six months after my injury, I mustered up some gumption and stopped moaning about my lack of career prospects. I got in action. I read tons of Find Your Purpose books, took personality tests and researched online. Basically, I made finding my dream job a part-time job and surprise, surprise it worked. I devoted myself, worked hard and made serious progress at finding a career path. Hard work works!

I discovered that I want to be a life coach and turn Becoming a Badass into a brand. It was disappointing to find that I wasn't destined for an easier, more direct career path such as teacher or lawyer where the steps to start a job and the pay are set. That just isn't me and I have the Myer Briggs personality test to prove it. I'm a creative being and I can't escape the path no matter how hard I try and trust me I have tried. 

By following the advice of so, so many experts through books, blogs, vlogs and online research as well as taking classes, I've gotten a good start on my career. I've studied, experimented, tested and even gotten to the point where I have life coaching clients. I'm on the precipice of my dream career and fear is rearing it's ugly fat head. Fear can really get me in a headlock at times and keep me stuck as the person I am and not moving forward to the person I feel I'm destined to become. All my life fear has had two crippling side effects. Fear glues me to the couch with the TV and switches on a serious food addiction where all I want to do is shove crap in my mouth until I feel better emotionally. Of course, alcohol is also a part of my escape plan. Unfortunately, I just end up feeling physically sick and like a worthless loser. 

Fear's got it's ugly mitts on me but I've decided to badass my way out of it. Or at least give it my fighting all. I'm taking on a big challenge by giving up my vices for 3 months. I'm going to let you know how it goes day-by-day, step-by-step here on the blog. No solo TV watching, white sugar, white flour, dairy, caffeine, or alcohol. I'm here to find out what good I can do with time that used to be usurped by vices. What do I do when I can't run and hide behind my vices? Can giving up my vices help me to build a successful career and increase my general happiness and productivity? Let's find out. I'm so happy you've joined me as I take on this new adventure. 

I'm Keeping My Baby...

            Sometimes I’d like to kill the crazy bitch, but she’s a part of me. Sometimes she makes me insane with her crying, whining, and constant needs, but I’ve made a choice to honor myself and the baby within me- my Big Inner Baby, that is. Adults are just large-scale babies with better verbal and motor skills. You’ve learned to potty in the toilet and use your inside voice, but if too tired, hungry, cold or pushed beyond your limits, I bet you’re a whiny, snippy, weepy, irrational fool.  You become incapable of being a decent human being or recognizing that anyone else could have good intentions. One minute your girlfriend is the greatest blessing of your life, the next she’s the idiot who doesn’t deserve to be in the car if she can’t read a map. Your husband goes from the man quietly sitting on the couch, to the man who did that horrible thing that one time, and now, you’re pretty sure he’s going to cheat on you.   

            We all need help caring for our Big Inner Baby. With ourselves, we are like first time parents. There is a lot of trial and error in self-care. Even if you are a competent adult, there are extenuating circumstances that can take you from mature to cry baby. The Big Inner Baby tends to comes out in an adult when drunk, hung over, PMSing, in any family dynamic, if affected by illness, waiting in line, driving in traffic, constipated, caffeine deprived, under-sexed or any other stressful situation. 

Since I was born extremely sensitive, I’ve had to become an expert on controlling my emotions. Now, if I’m under-fed, over-heated, exhausted and menstruating when I fall mountain biking, I can refrain from eating my fiance's soul. Even when he immediately says, “ Yeah, you’ve really gotta push hard through that point.” How do I have such mercy when he is clearly begging for death?  I have a few guidelines I always try to follow. 

How to Care for Your Big Inner Baby…

1. Stay fed.
2. Sleep as much as necessary. Don’t sleep the hours you think you should need. Hint: It’s more than five hours.
3. Employ the 24 hour rule: If you want to yell at someone for being a dingbat, wait 24 hours and see if you still need to discuss or argue with the person. Usually, you don't, and you leave yourself more time to enjoy life.
4. Have fun. Let someone tickle you, chase your lover around the house, laugh at the obvious jokes, skip, jump, dance, play. Make fun your number one priority. Enjoyment can be an added ingredient to any activity. You’ll naturally start to avoid personal drama and needless worry because you’ll recognize that it isn’t fun. 
5.  Know your limits. I’ve got limits for skiing, drinking, hunger, everything. The limit is malleable from day to day, but I’ve learned to sense when I’m coming to my breakdown point and stop before an issue arises. Clearly express these limits and expectations to other.
6. Don’t gossip or talk shit. If you don’t want drama in your life, stop gossiping. Just don’t talk about other people and their business. By giving your own opinion so much credit, you are building the belief in your mind that opinions matter. As a result, other people’s opinions about you are really important. You know what? You can’t do anything about their opinion and what they think doesn’t matter anyway. I feel so passionately about this, that I’m going to quote a poem: 
 Be who you are
And say what you feel
Because those who mind don’t matter
And those who matter don’t mind.
 -Dr. Seuss
7. Use your grown up words. As in, communicate as fully and accurately as possible. If something doesn’t go your way, but you never articulated what you wanted, try not to be mad. Either let it go, or explain what your expectations were and try again. 
8. Which brings us to, play nice. If you want the respect of others, respect them. If you want their clarity, be clear with them. If you want fairness, be fair to them. I can’t guarantee you will get what you give, but you will live a happier life knowing you did your best.

8

“Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them.”

― Dr. Seuss

Today, I don't feel like doing anything...

I'm addicted to getting stuff done. I adore challenges, goals with numbers attached, and ticking off to-do lists. I mean, for the love of Christ, I'm trying to become a badass here.

The bummer is, I'm also a person who is likely to cry or get angry if too tired, hungry, stressed, or if I've spend too long in my own head.

Formulating strategies to stay dry-eyed, clam, and pleasant is a huge part of my study on becoming a badass. Sure, you have to propel your body off a rock and land on skis in unstable snow. Physical challenges are obvious, and often easier than the obstacles we face getting into position to engage in physical feats.  Author, Steven Pressfield, has named the mental blocks the resistance. We confront the resistance when trying to do creative or physical endeavors that challenge ourselves. An object in motion stays in motion, but how do we get in motion? How do we get out the door to the ski hill when it's so cozy inside? How do we face another blank word document that is bound to mock our mediocrity? How do we force ourselves to be better when we've become so damn good at being this version of ourselves?

The answer for me is a multitude of routines, exercises, self-help courses, getting addicted to good habits, and following the discrete voice in my head that says, "Go for it." All of this is often obstructed by a quivering, scared plea: "No! Don't do it! This looks scary!" It's constant work and an unrelenting workout. In a later post, I'll get in to more specifics on tactics for getting shiz done and being a better version of yourself every day.

Good effort will break you down, just as effective workouts push muscles to exhaustion. And I am worked! I'm physically and mentally the equivalent of a wrung out towel, that's dried and crunchy. My juices have been depleted and it's time for one of my favorite treats (outside of jalapeno cheetos. Please don't tell Kris Carr, my health guru.)

Today, I do nothing. Rather, I do what feels like bupkiss. The entire day is devoted to doing exactly what I want, precisely when I want. So far, I didn't make my bed, ate chocolate with my hot water and lemon, meditated, then social mediaed. Spent some time gandering through a Shape magazine. These harmless activities all felt inappropriately good. I can't stop stretching and feel like a dance break may be in my future. Maybe I'll cook or go to the gym. Leaving the house is optional. My entire being is already starting to feel recharged. I feel my ass-kicking power (will power) growing like a muscle. Muscle increases by being torn down, recovering, and as a consequence, growing.

Look! I wrote a blog post and that's been on my list for months. It didn't even feel like work because I don't have to write today. I'm just blogging because I really want to share this concept with you all. Give your will power a break and it will grow bigger. Everything will start to be easier.

Chances are what you really, really, want and need to feel healthy, happy, and energized are ridiculously accessible. Checkout my goody-goody day. A chocolate before noon, some intuitive stretching and writing have been my outlets for recharging. Devote a day to doing exactly what you want at the moment you want it.  Keep your guilt and fear in check by committing to an entire day. An intuitive day will leave you stronger in a whole new way. Promise.    

Badass Hug

Heart shaped fruit salad, another
great mid-western show of love.
Thanks for the family love!

Every time I return to my birth place, Gurnee, Illinois, I'm struck by the power of a good hug. Most of the hugs I encounter in my daily life are limp, "nice to see you" hugs. Hands gently flutter on each others backs, shoulder to shoulder, making sure no lines of inappropriate body contact are crossed. I'm not saying I want to press my body up against everyone I know, but I would like to give a shout-out to a truly great hug. Here's what a badass, love-giving, soul-enlightening hug feels like.  If you like me enough to read my blog, I like you enough to give you one of these hugs.  Hope our hearts can touch in the future.

A great hug starts in the eyes. You see the person, they see you, and you share an eye smile.  Your smile has taken over so much of your face that it is insisting on also creasing the skin around your eyes into smiles.  The momentum of this connection pulls you toward one another.  Sometimes hands are reaching and open, sometimes they are pressed against the body as you wiggle with excitement.  You simultaneously pull into each other.  Your eyes close.  There is stillness as your hearts press into each other.  You are still smiling and holding each other tight.  You release and each look into each others eyes.  With a hug like this love exchange is palpable.

Thanks to all my family and great friends who have hugged the love into me over the years.  A good tight, unwavering, mid-western hug can keep me glowing for days. Let's save a weeny, flutter hugs for business and blow-offs. Next time I see you, dear friend, I hope we can hug with full-out love and eye smiles.

              xo,
                 Jessica

The Staycation Solution

Your to do list is reading like a novel.  Instead of being in the best shape of your life you have Budweiser bloat.  People are being dicks.  You need to get away!  Unfortunately, your next vacation isn’t for months.  How do you keep from randomly crying in the supermarket or abruptly quitting your job?  It is time for a STAYCATION.  Don’t go anywhere.  Just sit your cute fanny down in your own home and get your pamper on.  Since this doesn’t require a spa, let alone a plane ticket, this is a great way to save money while saving your sanity.

Today, I needed a staycation. I’ve been experiencing a rare feeling in my life, stress.  My life is designed for my enjoyment.  This means I minimize tasks like work and house keeping, and emphasize outdoor adventures and playtime.  Work has been stressful lately because this is the busiest time of year.  Customers and coworkers all seem to have caught a case of the Angry Augusts.  I could use two weeks in a Thai spa, but that isn’t in the budget or schedule right now so I settled for a at home SPACATION. 

Badass women need to have a supply of beauty products.  I will not be told otherwise and turn my life over to a make-up free existence. If you are a badass in the office, you need to combat stress lines and stale air.  If your badassing has you skiing down mountains you need to undo the stress of natural elements such as snow, sun, and near death adventures.

What I believe every woman should own for an emergency spacation. 

            -Deep hair conditioner

            -Body scrub

            -Face exfoliate

            -Moisturizing face mask

            -Bath salts

           

Here is a look into my SPACATION.  Let the two-hour bath begin.             

First, I dry brushed.  This is supposed to help stimulate the lymph nods and reduce cellulite.  This is one of those things I always want to do but never seem to remember.  It feels amazing to accomplish something I so often regret not doing.   

2^nd I showered and did a hair mask as my conditioner.  While letting the mask soak, I shaved.   

3^rd I exfoliated my body with a salt scrub from my trip to Israel.  Usually, I make my own with almond oil and Sugar in the Raw.  Cheap and easy.

4^th Bath time.  I fill the tub, dry my face on a towel I keep nearby and exfoliate my face with a scrub.  Rinse.  Dry face.  Apply mud mask.  Allow to dry, about two minutes.  Rinse.  Dry.  Apply moisturizing face mask and keep on for the duration of the bath.

5^th Time for some straight chilling.  I like to keep the fan on in the bathroom to create white noise.  Relax.  Stretch your neck.  Lift a leg and stretch.   A neck and scalp massage will help to unwind. This is a nice time to read, but an even better time to meditate and clear your mind. 

When the time feels right I leave the bath.  I moisturize my face first because it usually feels dry.  Next, every day I do a full body moisturizing.  This is a great day to pluck.  A perfect eyebrow makes for a groomed face. 

Bust out the hair dryer and product.  Usually I air-dry my hair, but on spacation, it’s time to full on beauty routine. 

After hair comes make-up.  This is also the day to go above and beyond.  I like to switch up my eye make-up.  Try a new look.  This is the day to test the cat-eye or use a new lip-gloss I got as a gift. 

Anything I’ve been saving for a special day is busted out.  This is a holiday.  This is staycation, baby!

Here what I look like post spacation as opposed to my everyday adventure life.

Adventure isn't alway pretty.  

Post Spacation

            When life is making you crazy what is your go to sanity solution?  How do you counter the stresses of being a badass in your own life?  I want to hear from you all and then steal your secrets. 

If you like this, come like me on facebook!  https://www.facebook.com/becomingabadass

Bikini Season Preparation Meditation

Here we are, in the height of bikini season and I have once again been struck down by body fear.  This weekend I'm going to be on a boat with many hot babes and many cameras to document the situation.  And while I feel this phrase should be struck from the English language and only beauty should be focused on and celebrated, I have to admit, I feel fat.  Ok.  I said it.

Now, I can't drastically change my body in a day and a half but I can change my mind and feelings.  This is a meditation I did with a group of girls at the beginning of the summer.  If you can, gather a posse and have one person read aloud as you all sit quietly, listening and focusing.  More likely, you will need to read this to your self while breathing steadily and letting the words shift your brain synapses.  Before settling in to meditate, it is always nice to do some light stretching.  This helps calm the body and I personally believe puts you in a good head space for positive change.  Look at you!  You are a person who stretches.  You are the best.  Get my point?  Breath in slowly and as you exhale repeat the lines of meditation to yourself.

Bikini Season Preparation Meditation

Breath in and feel your body.  Bring your breath into every part of your body.
Consciously send love to every part of your body with your breath.

Breath in, allowing the breath to fill your legs, sending gratitude through your body for every action your body enables you to take.

Breath in, accept the beauty of your body.  It may not be what your mind thinks it should be, but it is incredibly beautiful.  A wonder.

Take this moment to make a promise to your body.

Breath in.  Body, I will treat you with love and respect.  I will enjoy feeding you.  I will enjoy living in you.  I will enjoy playing in you.

Breath in,  I enjoy taking care of my beautiful and powerful body.

Breath in, I will spend time in the sun enjoying the feel of warm rays on my body.

Breath in, I will enjoy the feel of the wind on my skin.

Breath in, I promise to look for the beauty of my body.

Breath in, I promise to appreciate my body.


Now, go about your day but if you find yourself searching for visible cellulite on yourself or others while soaking up the summer sun, readjust.  What is beautiful?  What feels good?  Keep adjusting your mind and eventually, your mind with be re-adjusted to beauty.


If you dig this blog, LIKE my facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/becomingabadass

Badass and Clint Eastwood Cool: It's a Mind Thing

The older I get, the more I realize nothing comes naturally.  The only natural is gravity. Aka: downward spiral.  You know all those skinny bitches and obscenely successful 26-year-olds?  Chances are they are working their tails off.  It's not a metabolism or luck.  It's controlled eating and a butt load of hard work.  Trust me.  I've gotten close enough to these people to ask them these really awkward questions.  

That being said, I'd like to talk about crazy bitches.  Crazy Bitch is a disease that affects every woman I know.  It seems to be chronic, although, the side effects vary with monthly cycle, stress, and many variable factors.  I am the craziest bitch I know, and I'm sure of  this because I am inside my own mind.  If I had full access to your mind, I might think you won the gold for crazy.  I'm not super skinny or obscenely successful but I've come the the logical conclusion that peace of mind and stability take the same kind of work that must be applied to bodies and careers.  When left unattended the mind with go to pot, just like a body fed candy on the couch.

What is the solution to a flabby, negative mind?  Meditation, positive affirmations, and prayer.  These are the same as cardio, weights, and healthy eating for the body.  Just like anything that is good for you, you have to find a way to make it fun.  You can only torture yourself for so long.  You can get addicted to fun forever.  I'm addicted to biking, skiing, hiking, and Quinoa.  Why not get addicted to a clear mind and positive thoughts?

From now on, this blog is not just about adventures of the body, but also about the taming the mind.  The classic badass is not only a superhero of actions, but a clam, straight-shooter.  Let the adventure continue!


If you dig this blog, like my facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/becomingabadass