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Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The Benefits Taste Fucking Delicious

There is a lot of pain in all this badassing. Some good, like when a muscle is built, and some bad, like when knees aren't bent enough coming off a jump skiing. Hell, even emotional pain like when I accidentally got my ski caught coming off a chair lift and did an awkward split that had both knees on the ground pointing out to the side, and then fell backwards. That was some physical pain, but mainly, it was the emotional embarrassment that really stung. If you haven't been that active, born with the badass spoon in your mouth, this journey is gonna be a little tricky, but there are perks. One major perk. Ice cream. Once you get the badass spoon in your mouth, it's ok to have ice cream occupying that spoon! Let me explain.

I've always been fascinated by those people who seem to be able to eat anything and stay slim. And by fascinated I of course mean bitterly jealous. Luckily, I've overcome my hatred of these people because a lot of really hot guys have this flaw, and I'm not gonna let my being a envious hag stand in the way of my having an Adonis like boyfriend.

Like most prejudices, I overcame this one through falling in love. My boyfriend happens to be one of those mass consumers who seems to transform all of the fried chicken he eats into six pack abs. It's annoying, but not a deal breaker. When we first got together I was worried about me being able to stay with him. I had to say to him, "Stop feeding me cookies." It became a refrain in our relationship. I would just be cuddling with him on the couch and he would be hand feeding me ice cream, cookies, breads, burgers. If he thought it was scrumptious, he thought I would see being fed it as an act of love and sharing. Umm. No! I thought, "how am I gonna keep this hot guy if I keep eating all this undeniably delicious crap!?"

Well, miracle of miracles, I've managed to lose 13 pounds since we started dating and I've been eating ice cream on the regular. How? The hot bastard drags me outside to ski, hike, whatever, constantly. I just keep badassing. I try new things and then I try to do the thing faster, bigger, better than I've been doing it, and the weight just accidentally slipped off. I feel like I lost it somewhere on the slope and I hope it dissolves in the snow and returns to the earth. Go make some tree fat, former bulk. I've got some ice cream to eat and a mountain to climb. Hell ya, it feels good to be a badass. And it tastes fucking delicious.

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