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Tuesday, January 14, 2014

I feel so damn old and stressed. You?

I've been dancing and singing in my car lately. I live in a very small town. The chance of being seen by someone I know is definite. I'm going to keep doing it anyway because it's fun and it makes me happy.

Going after my dreams is stressful and scary. Right now my dream is to run my own highly successful Career Coaching business. I'm learning a lot of new skills. I'm doing stuff that is unpleasant and deals with a lot of reading, planning, scheduling and numbers. I'm a fun loving, creative type. I feel like a COMPETE FUCKING MORON at least once a day. I also feel like the SUPERHERO of my own life in moments. It's a terrifying, thrilling, fun, nauseating roller coaster. I love it, mainly, but it's super scary and stressful.

I'm also turing 30. I'm not crazy about that.

The stress has been building and there is no sign of it lightening up. I'm snappy. Edging on depressed in moments. Exhausted. Not badass.

I was yearning for my youth the other day. It struck me, in a flash of inspiration, that I don't have to act like an old, stressed out person. I can still prioritize my own good time.

I giggled at the thought of me and my high school friends. We used to drive around the suburban town of Marrietta, Georgia aimlessly, in a way only a teenager can. We'd dance like crazy to the Presidents of the United States of America and the Reality Bites soundtrack. Our dancing would be kicked up a notch at every stoplight. Our goal was always to get person in the neighboring car to dance. We were really good at getting strangers to dance.

We would also have random dance breaks in parking lots. I carried that tradition with me way into my twenties but I haven't in a long time.

Thinking about those times is like watching an episode of the Wonder Years. It makes me feel calm, nostalgic and happy.

Snap back to my present life. I'm surrounded by books on Career Coaching and business building. I need to finish dinner and my house isn't clean. I'm an adult. It's hard and stressful. I get in my car to go run errands and work. I'm carrying my tension along with a shit-ton of stuff to return to the library. WHY DO I HAVE TO FEEL SO OLD?

Light bulb moment. I don't. I can rock out to Selena Gomez, singing my heart out and dancing like a damn fool at stop lights if I want. So I did. And I will. Because it's fun and it feels good.

Once, I was doing a crazy damn made-up workout as I walked up a residential hill. Most of the surrounding houses were second homes, so no one was around. Until, suddenly, there was someone sitting on their couch, watching TV. I stopped doing my crazy, ab-burning exercise that involved kicking and punching or something. I walked normally by.

Then it occurred to me, I'm out working on my fitness and that person is inside on a beautiful day, watching TV. WHY AM I ASHAMED? I'm having fun and doing something good for myself that doesn't hurt anyone and could actually inspire others to have a better time.

So, I restarted my crazy workout. I'm going to keep up with my singing and dancing in the car. It's fun and it makes me happy. That's a damn good reason to do something.

What are you going to do to have some fun and make yourself happy? How could you inspire others?

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