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Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Viceless Day 9 and 10: Temptation and TV

Day 9:

I make my fiance coffee and the smell taunts me. Ok, hot water and lemon. You'll do.

I'm not hung over and I have no food guilt.

Day 10:

I'm in a bad mood. I've gotten wrapped up in the busy and complications of my life and a mood as set in. The type of mood that calls for a cocktail and bitching. Unfortunately for me and the easy road, I'm really not a fan of complaining these days. I believe focusing on negative is bad for your health, mood and good time. Haven't you ever experienced a complaining hangover? You talk and talk about all of the things you don't like and in the end you are drained and sad. During my own bitch sessions, I've always enjoyed a nice cocktail which usually loosens the tongue and makes it possible to really let the complaining rip. This is the type of habit that I'm trying to cut out of my life. The complaining doesn't get me where I want to go and neither does the cocktail. Obstacles have to be creative opportunities. When obstacles aren't viewed as an opportunity, depression sets in and progress halts. I've got things to do in this world, a tribe of badasses to rally and don't have long to wallow.  The habit isn't broken yet though. When the fear and feeling that life is too damn hard sets in, I really want the comfort of a cocktail or the distraction of TV.

On my way home from work, I pick up This is 40 from the Redbox. Maybe I can switch to watching TV alone just on the days I don't work? (I work basically everyday right now so this is crap.) Maybe TV isn't really holding me back? (No, it really is.) I just really want to cheat. I want to fall asleep watching TV and not think about life. I don't want to meditate this feeling away or accept it.

I manage not to cheat by thinking about my goals on a far off mental horizon. I want to make a good living from a career I love that I believe will improve the lives of others. I want to live my life in a beautiful body that is light, active and well nourished. I want to live happily, without guilt, kicking ass everyday and inspiring others to go after the life of their dreams. I save the movie for tomorrow night with my man and pick up my book, Beautiful Ruins, by Jess Walters. There is still escape for my mind but their is also learning for my writing and the sleepiness that reading provides. I didn't cheat and that feels good.


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